Couch Time Expert Pillows

'I'll start my run at the next commercial break!!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'The economy today got a boost from Alan Greenspan, who said it's O.K. to be irrationally exuberant.'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

Easy chair exercise machines

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

'It's topped with things I found under my sofa cushions.'

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."