Couch Congregants Gifts

"For the convenience of our absent members, our ushers will be calling at your homes with their collection plates."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

(I'm afraid someone is going to expose me as a phony, a fraud, … A complete charlatan.) (Uh, oh! He's on to me!)

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"When did this game get started?"

'Frankly, I don't see a problem. By its very nature inherited wealth entitles you to be second-rate.'

'It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. In layman's terms, you're paying me to keep my mouth shut.'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Would you like seating in snoring or non-snoring?'

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"

'Your wife came by and left a message'

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

Poker at Docs.

"I suppose a lot of people do their worshipping online these days."

"They went together, doctor!"

'I've been talking to my imaginary friend Carlos about this, and he thinks you're the wrong doctor to treat my delusional syndrome.'

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

It was that moment that Pastor Russ realized that it was Saturday.

"Fox again! C'mon man. Try the History Channel for once. Educate yourself dude."

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

'Bad Day?'

Pandemic Bowl

'Make it snappy. I prefer my couch at home.'

Isolation Olympics

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'I really enjoyed that, but if anyone ask, don't you dare tell them we watched it.'

"I had the left dream again last night - where I wait forever for help to arrive, and when it does, he has no idea what to do."

"Sorry to cancel last minute—I was waiting it out, hoping you would."

"Dad, I think I have what it takes to be a bodybuilder!"