Cosmic Pickle Problem Solver Gifts

Is removing the lid fm a jar of pickles easier in zero gravity?

Watch the skies: UFO buffs all stare at the sky, yet alien is amongst them.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

Astrology meets computer science. You think all computers are gemine? Yeah, they're born under a binary system.

'Just as I suspected. The wormhole is located behind the Dog Star.'

Oh, we don't invade planets anymore --- Now we just hack into databases.

"For Pete's sake, Helen, will you break down and buy a hair dryer!"

"On second thought, could you take it out and just teach him how to use the door knob?"

"Fear not, Miss Hathaway. Just go home and listen to a cd of howling wolves or screeching monkeys and by Monday you'll be ready for your 3rd grade class."

Attitude Counselor.

"Frank?"

Problem solving centre.

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

"See no more hiccups."

'Captain! Our onboard anti-virus software did not prevent a virus from going where no virus has gone before.'

'It's a common misconception. Sometime we actually get quite hot.'

'Part of the problem, meet part of the solution.'

CPA. It looks like some of our clients might have tax problems this year. Halley's Comet files a return only once every 75 years. And the black hole seems to be hiding lots of income. Neither Pluto nor Mars can pay what they owe. Pluto's assets are frozen. And Mars isn't called the "Red Planet" for no reason. I think earth might be the only one getting a refund. Of course, it has billions of dependents!

"My garage door opens whenever I change television channels."

Man on desert island picks the fishing hooks out of the fish he is eating.

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

"I'm facing my fears in alphabetical order. How about you?"

Violinist and boot

"If we came here in a faster-than-light spaceship, shouldn't it be dark out?"

'Sometimes I just feel like processing some data, but I have no data to process - other times I have the data, but I have nothing to process it with.'

"I think they call it a miracle drug because it'll be a miracle if I can get the cap off."

The man who gave up utensils for Lent.

'But sir! That's the best granite, no burglar could get through that.'

Painter has borrowed children's slide to paint the walls.

Doctor using a skeleton's arm to scratch his back.

"Unfortunately, they keep their shades drawn in that particular galaxy."

'One dozen doughnuts - sorry we've run out bags!'

'He's not a doctor or an athletic trainer. He's not even a coach!'

"We don't own one of those fancy vibrating chairs, so we put all our phones on vibrate and put them behind his back, then we call them."