Cosmetics Buff Mugs

"Blond girl, carrying a rucksack, wearing too much make up."

Parrot looking in mirror has feather headdress options.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Backfire

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Bloody hell!"

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

US v.s. Tech Giants

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"Is there a vegan option?"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

Cat Hecklers

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Beware of the frog"

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

The perfect choice for president?... Stephen Colbert!

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Do you think I'm sixty?

Bird about to dive from diving board into birdbath

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

'It would never work out, Blackfire — our alignments are too different.'