Corporate Warfare Buffs Pillows

Hatfield and McCoy International battle.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

The MBA Draft

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"We have an acronym!"

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"At this office no two days are different."

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

Office slaves.

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

Parade of Businessmen

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

Stresses Can Have a Motivating Effect...If They Don't Kill You!

"The boss is charging. I knew you shouldn't have worn that red tie."

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."

Let's Celebrate

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"I think you might need to start again."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'