Corporate Social Responsibility Manager Pillows

Susta-inability

Never Source

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

CEO du Jour

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

The Corporate Ladder and the Corporate Elevator.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.