Corporate Social Responsibility Manager Pillows

Susta-inability

Never Source

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

CEO du Jour

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'