Corporate Rhetorician Gifts

"Could you please refer to this as a merger rather than being in cahoots?"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"By the end of next week, these fads such as social media, automobiles and making fire will all be over."

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

"I believe we have a quorum for the meeting."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

Business is off the chart.

"Oh good, you brought Robert's rules of order."

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

A breakthrough in the morning meeting