Corporate Recruitment Pillows

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

Welcome to the Team

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Parade of Businessmen

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'Maybe we should sign him before the MVP award is announced.'

"You're on top of this week's Sales Pyramid."

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"