Corporate Meeting Survivor Pillows

'Looks like we missed the chairman's powerpoint presentation, then...'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Bo're'droom

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

In and Out Tray

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'