Corporate Image Architect Pillows

'I want you to make this company as perfect as it looks in our TV commercial spots.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Baracracy

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

Chief of Staff A North American Indian working away in an office.

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

"'Killer Whale' is terrible branding. From now on, people will call you 'Happy Silly Fun Fish.'"

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

"My client has been convicted by the media, but I am confident that his conviction will be overturned on appeal by the three major networks and the 'Times.'"

'I think my dieting may be getting out of hand.'

'I hate her...'

"Er! Exactly when was this 'dress for success' book you've been reading written?"

She's Not Heavy, She's a Heroine

"I don't really have the skirt for this blouse."

A tight skirt makes a woman look slim!

"Actually, I don't read much, they're just background for my video calls."

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

A cow with Barbie's proportions.

"When they get injured now, the physio goes on first followed by their stylist and image consultant..."

Er! Exactly when was this 'dress for success' book you've been readng written?

You called? Yes, I need a new image!

Style Consultant

Real estate: (igloo): 'This is the 'custom deck' for 'enjoying the midnight sun and viewing the northern lights!'

"I want a pair which says 'fast' even if I'm goin' slow."

Presenting a better image

Chihuahua says to large dog: 'I'm on a diet - I want to be a size zero.'

"I'm not sure. Fat compared to what?"

'We've written an honest speech that presents you ‘warts and all.' All you need is a voice coach, image consultant and makeup artist.'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'