Corporate Fun Prints

Much to the surprise of all his colleagues, Gavin concluded the lunchtime presentation on company expansion with a rather eccentric song and dance act.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Inclusive speech

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."