Corporate Decorum Pillows

"Why can't you ever be serious?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I see everyone got the memo.'

Work Slave

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

"Gift"

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

Looks like another profit's warning

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

"It will scare away our competitors."

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

Blowing dust off an order book.

Unsuccessful board meeting.