Corporate Dad Pillows

'Children are all right, Carson, except they're so damned unprofitable.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Domestic Superheroes!!

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Not that net!'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"No no, I said sit!!"

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

"First class, or with children?"

Dog yoga

Golfing Boss

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''