Corporate Christmas Pillows

"I'm here to pick up your Christmas list."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Bo're'droom

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

Determined not to make a fool of himself Mitch keeps practicing every dance move for the Annual Office Christmas Party!

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"At least we're consistent ... "

"All those in favor of adjourning for treats, raise your hands?"

'Our first mistake was hiring an honest accounting firm.'

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

Team Work

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

'Well, why didn't you say you wanted the office to be functional?'

"Anderson, we'd like to talk to you about your stand-offish attitude.'

'The only exercise I believe in is the exercise of power.'

"No, I'm following you"

"That's since we did away with coffee breaks and issued time release coffee patches to all employees."

"I've managed to arrange cover while you're on holiday. Janet has cancelled her honeymoon and John will probably be able to have his operation next year. You just go off and enjoy yourself."

"You get two coffee breaks. One in December and one in June."

"I wish I could give you a pay rise, a bonus, and an extra week of vacation, but..."