Corporate Caperer T-Shirts

'I want you to hack into our competitor's computer systems and steal their recipe for apple crisp.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

In basket-case.

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Welcome to the Team

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

Career Choices

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

Parade of Businessmen

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'