Corporate Analyst Gifts

CEO Barney Bingle reassured analysts that his company's earnings target is still in sight.

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

'Do you realize that the country has one vice president and we have eleven?'

"It looks like our nosy competitor is spying on us again."

"I don't know much about PPE but I know what I like."

"Don't worry about expenses. This will all be passed along to the consumer."

"Mr. Zuckerberg, Facebook is in crisis. The brand is now synonymous with data theft, racist uncles, and electioneering."

'According to Trickle Down, I get mine from the big fish. But how does the big fish get his?'

Boardroom salaries

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Welcome to the future"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'