Coping With A Newborn Pillows

"He doesn't sleep, what can we possibly do?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Interior design trends for parents....

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Same old same old. How about you?"