Coping With A Newborn Pillows

"He doesn't sleep, what can we possibly do?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Interior design trends for parents....

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

Twenty-first century baby walker