Cookout Comedian T-Shirts

"No way! I've been to one barbecue but never again."

"I've just barbecued my head again."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Your French dip, sir.'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"States of tofu"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Chez Nous Menu

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

6 Brothers Falafel

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

"Would you like some wings?"

Cookbooks

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Ninja bread men"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."