Cookout Comedian T-Shirts

"No way! I've been to one barbecue but never again."

"I've just barbecued my head again."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"States of tofu"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Chez Nous Menu

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

6 Brothers Falafel

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Would you like some wings?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

Cookbooks

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"Ninja bread men"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'