Cooking Show Fan T-Shirts

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'It's a blackmail note - Someone saw me going into that Fish-and-Chip shop!'

'Celebrity chef' 'Celery chef'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Chefs

Cooking With the Zombies.

"Your dinner's being demonstrated on the cookery programme in ten minutes."

"The pastry is soggy and your filling leaves a bitter aftertaste."

Valerie Bertinelli

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

My Cauldron Rules

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

"When did they add this channel?!"

Here's one I made earlier.

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

"The recipe says, that the whipped cream has to be piped onto the sponge."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'