Cooking Show Aficionado T-Shirts

"When did they add this channel?!"

Mary Berry

Domestic Goddess.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"You're worried about salmonella? We're vultures for cripes sake!"

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

Keith Floyd.

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

A Creature WAS Stirring

'A hacker broke into our computer and, in an act of human kindness, deleted your mother's recipe for peppers and meat loaf.'

The First Steak.

Beauty and the Baste

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'How do you like the souffle?' - 'Great, will you give me the blueprint?'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

'Just like mother used to make.'

Here's one I made earlier.

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'Can I start you off with a nice soup bone?'

'I tried, Larry, but I guess that whole 'watched pot never boils' stuff was just a lie! Larry?'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

My Cauldron Rules

Swiss Kitchen

"And there it is... Coronation chicken"

'No wonder somebody caught it, it's legs are tied.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.