Convoluted Call Navigator Pillows

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

Pigeon Memos

'Let's cut out the mumbo jumbo and get to the nitty gritty.'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

"We must be in the wrong wing."

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

Lost in the shuffle, Bob refused to stop and ask for directions.

"Isn't there a TED Talk he can listen to about the birds and the bees?"

"The kids got candy and all I got were disturbed looks."

"My specialty is tangled webs."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."

"People don't understand that alcoholism is a hazard of my profession!"

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

Road signs.

'Ghah. They've moved everything round again.'

"I know all about the birds and bees, but what's all this about 'erectile dysfunction?'"

"Brad, we've got to talk."

"Junior must be in here somewhere."

A rowing cox takes a taxi cab.

Nowheresville...no-where-near-nowheresville.

'There s nothing to discuss Lester...I told you maybe and that's final!!!'

'Something's wrong -- yesterday, the sun set in the West.'

'Sorry, absolutely no exceptions.'

''The birds and the bees'? — Why, son, they're the most dangerous animals known to man!'