Conveyor Belt Comedian Pillows

Lunch break.

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

Teapot

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"Take me home now!"

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

...she found out that the basque he'd bought wasn't for her.

Martian Rovers find proof of intelligent life on the red planet.

Straddling bus stop above a regular bus stop.

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Trapeze artists commuting

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

Airbus

Honey I'm Home

'I baked it especially for you.'

Metrocard error messages

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

La Tour 2007.

'Look at it out there, Jones. Successful businesses as far as the eyes can see... We're gonna need some curtains.'

'Turn right at the first $4.09 unleaded, then a hang a left at $4.03 unleaded, and over the bridge, past the $4.01 unleaded...'

Triceratops - "A Turtleneck? You couldn't get me a shirt with buttons?