Conversation Starter Gifts

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

"How small will he get?"

"How very exciting! I have never before met a Second Amendment lawyer."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"Pardon? Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to someone else..."

'You know, when you get right down to it, most consequences are unintended.'

The elephant in the room.

"Oh, like you know something the Internet doesn't know."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"William dabbles in paleontology."

"You'd better ask your grandparents about that, son - my generation is very uncomfortable talking about abstinence."

"Sorry, I was so busy thinking of what I was going to say that I didn't listen to what you said..."

"The entire time you were talking to Marissa you had a piece of spinach between your teeth."

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

'I didn't get the promotion. The interviews took place in the men's room.'

"That will be perfect. We have a lot to talk about."

It's all in how you ask ("Want some coffee?")

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"Thanks for curing my schizophrenia-we're both fine now!"

"That was nice, but I don't want to make it a regular thing."

'I love being married to a statistician. I can make him say whatever I want.'

"Enough about me, but nothing about you just yet."

"Can't we talk about something other than money?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Third one this month. Do you always have to analyze everything to death?'

Caller ID - "Who am I?"

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"...and Jerry here has brought the gift of 'The Gab'."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

'I'm sorry I don't understand a word you're saying...'

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"Conversation - what a concept!"