Conversation Starter T-Shirts

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

"How small will he get?"

"How very exciting! I have never before met a Second Amendment lawyer."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"Pardon? Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to someone else..."

'You know, when you get right down to it, most consequences are unintended.'

The elephant in the room.

"Oh, like you know something the Internet doesn't know."

'Sometimes words just get in the way.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"You'd better ask your grandparents about that, son - my generation is very uncomfortable talking about abstinence."

"William dabbles in paleontology."

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"Sorry, I was so busy thinking of what I was going to say that I didn't listen to what you said..."

"The entire time you were talking to Marissa you had a piece of spinach between your teeth."

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

Loneliness on Facebook.

It's all in how you ask ("Want some coffee?")

'I didn't get the promotion. The interviews took place in the men's room.'

"That will be perfect. We have a lot to talk about."

"That was nice, but I don't want to make it a regular thing."

"Thanks for curing my schizophrenia-we're both fine now!"

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'I love being married to a statistician. I can make him say whatever I want.'

'Third one this month. Do you always have to analyze everything to death?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

Caller ID - "Who am I?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'I appreciate the fact that you're a computer whiz, Allan, but I'd prefer that you actually laugh out loud at my jokes.'

"Can't we talk about something other than money?"

"Enough about me, but nothing about you just yet."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

'I'm sorry I don't understand a word you're saying...'

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

"Conversation - what a concept!"