Conversation Commander T-Shirts

"I'd like to buy everyone a drink. All I ask in return is that you listen patiently to my shallow and simplistic views on a broad range of social and political issues."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

The Art of Bantering!

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never, ever be applied in the boudoir.

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

"Watch out for Bernie...he's a man of few words but a lot of gestures."

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."

"I'll have to go, we've been talking for ages"

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

"You're so easy to talk to - not everyone is such a good listener."

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

'What have you got to say for yourself? Or would you rather hear about me?'

'All those in favor of looking at pictures of grandchildren before we start bitching about their parents, say aye.'

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

"She's a Democrat and he's a Republican so refrain from political talk if you want access to the hors d'oevres."

Inexplicably Sharon was not interested in a second date.

'Andy, you can be honest with me. Do you think I'd make a good manager?' - 'Why couldn't she just ask me if I like her hairstyle.'

Lou's Barber Shop Discussions

Silencing women's opinions

'She doesn't just hold a conversation, she strangles it.'

"Okaaay, so 'maybe' I don't 'understand' how air quotes 'work.'"

"I've only been gluten-free for a week, but I'm already really annoying."

'I'll talk louder...' (speech bubble smothering other people in the cartoon).

Phil's Barber Shop - Today's topic: Religion, tomorrow: The Race Card.

"I try to focus all my sexual energy on sex."

'What's the difference between overhearing a conversation and eavesdropping?'

Wow, it's Sue! Think of something spontaneous to say...

"Over time my taste in me has switched to mature boys."