Contrarian Humorist T-Shirts

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

Welcome to Las Vegas - a faith-based community.

"Happy hour makes it all worthwhile!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

UK/US Free Trade Deal

They're Not Just That Into It

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

No-Work Orange

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."