Contrarian Humor Pillows

'You wonder what the world would have been like if you were never born?...'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Trump

Protest

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

"I just completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus."

Join the protest march, I'm lonely.

Whipping Cream

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

'We're looking for new, original thinkers...people who can think 'outside the box'...'

Giant 'NO' with a small man holding a 'Yes',

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

'If everyone's thinking outside the box a man who thinks inside the box is bound to have the advantage.'

Two friars ringing bells

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! Kanye West said he's running for president in 2020, and I don't know whether to weep or move to Canada. Canada Canada Canada! Everybody always wants to move to Canada whenever they think the USA has taken a turn for the worse! None of you lily-livered quitters could stand a single Canadian winter, let alone stare down a moose at six paces. You want Canada? You can't handle Canada! How tall is a moose?

Opposing viewpoint.

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

'I know we're supposed to flock together, but I want to see a different movie...'

Explorers discover the last contrarian without a podcast.

"Humbug! I don't believe that you can tell the future!"

"I know that as a former politician you are used to getting money in inconspicuous suitcases, but it's a real hassle for the payroll department!"

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

Devlin was concerned about his son hanging around with such a nice crowd.

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."

"I don't like hearing happy stories."

"Now I know why those cruise tickets were so cheap!"

'He could never resist taking an opposing position on an old saying...'

Which Brain is Half Full and Which is Half Empty?

'Let me swear on my grandchildren that our business is 100% legit. We outsourced extortion to the IRS, and assassination to the Pentagon!'

Welcome to Las Vegas - a faith-based community.

'Butterworth was encountering a slight problem with the latest addition to his aquarium'

"I'm not religious-just anti-science."

"I hate poems. They're boring and pretentious."