Contractual Conundrums Pillows

'Sir, we've been out-loop holed.'

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

"Damned if they do and damned if they don't? This is BRILLIANT work, everybody! Why didn't we think of this before?"

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'With the threat of ABS's competing for Council work is going to get even harder...'

'This HS2 brief is the kind of work I live for!'

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

Shipping contract.

'Can I interest you in insuring against your insurance not paying out?'

"It doesn't bother me so much since he signed that NDA."

"There are parts of this contract that ANYONE could understand. You'll have to rewrite it!"

'It is a standard contract - sign at the bottom. The first clause forbids you to read any of the others!'

'I absolutely refuse to sign anything which requires a microscope and a stepladder to read it!'

"Now, if you'll just sign right here, Mr. Hark, you'll make the biggest mistake of your life!"

Confusion Reigns Over Contracts

"I can't get these new codes straight!"

Strike That Clause

"Everything seems to be in order. Why don't I draw up paperwork and have my pests call your pests."

'See, you misread it - it's void where prohibited by lou!'

'Everything is pro bono after the first 100 grand.'

"Oh, don't worry about that, it's just the grey area ..."