Contract King Pillows

'I can't sign that behavior contract unless my attorney reviews it.'

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"Do you realize that by signing this you're entitled to nothing my client has accumulated before he met you?" "Yes."

'There was a catch to my lawyer's pro bono offer.'

'Now, if you'll just sign, initial and fist bump...'

''You'll get a car with a chauffeur by contract!' Thank you, boss. Thank you very much.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

The Devil's in the detail!

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

Like father like son.

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

GPC negotiators will only take on 'merited criticism'.