Contact Lens Connoisseur Pillows

'I told you not to wear your new contacts for more than 12 hours a day.'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

'Bob! I lost a contact while grabbing our bag!'

'So, were they able to fit you with contacts even with your bad eyesight?'

The latest in Eyewear.

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

'Pretend you don't notice him.'

A series of cameras go through a war zone.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Correct me if I'm wrong.' (Everyone holds their hand up).

'I asked for a report on the long and short of it, Henderson - This only addresses the breadth and depth.'

The optician's arrival ended Phil's short sightedness and his 15 year island exile.

'... Press 7 to admit defeat...'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

'Nobody move. I just dropped a contact lens.'

'Don't worry Sir, being colour-blind is not much of a problem around here...'

Videographer. Zoom in. Zoom out.

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

'How many times I gotta tell you? Don't pay any attention to which camera has the red light on!'

"The side lenses will help you maintain visual acuity when looking askance."

Contacts vs. Glasses

Sale. Everything Must Go.

"For God's sake, Mr. Danvers, work with me here!"

"Mmmm... Let's see... Little cable cars...ah...ah...halfway to the...to the...aha! To the stars! ...I Left My Heart in San Francisco! Tony Bennett! Right?"

'The problem with living in water is I can never tell when my contact lens is in!'

"He must be one of those new contactless contact lenses."

Phone Hypnosis

"Hello, you’ve reached tack support."

"Heres comes my two weeks in Acapulco!"

Sir Charles Stanford.

"The only calls not dropped are to your tech support."

Don't worry, I'm not grazing, I'm looking for my contact lens!

The Sequels