Consumer Whisperer T-Shirts

'Stay on all fours. That way you can pounce on new consumer wants.'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

Opening the door to new customers

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

"If obsessing about trash is wrong, then. . . I don't wanna be right."

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

'As a rationalization specialist I actually have a concept to cut our deficit quickly and effectively - Just do a head stand'!

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

"Raising the debt ceiling is a ponzi scheme!"

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

How to do without

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

Ukraine War Clouds

"Like Facebook, I have also changed our company name so that it will be more clear and transparent to our customers who we are and what we do."

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

Brad seizes upon a hot trend in marketing: personal pop-up ads.

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'