Consumer Insight Pillows

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Gullib-Os

CATCHY NAME

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'And it comes with an accompanying dictionary.'

'Excellent photo for the cover of our annual report, Richards. Tell me; which do we make, the cell phone or the umbrella?'

"We can't make the perfect product, but with a little luck and a lotta data, we can make the perfect customer."

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."

Man is attacked by barcodes.

'Today's consumer has new priorities, and it's our job to tell them what those priorities are...'

The competition's customer vs our customer.

'I am stunned by the sophistication of our consumer research.'

Man is target

"Any new proposals?"

'You want to insure it? --Just exactly what are you implying, buster?'

"I misplace everything, yet there always seems to be more of it."

'Remember, you're NEVER a stranger in this store because we've got LOADS of shopping data on you!'

'Thats with $30,000 down.'

Your Flexible Fiend.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our product?"

'Our poll shows the typical advertising viewer is all 'targeted' out.'

"You're right - the shipping isn't free. They've folded the expense in the cost of the item."

'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'

Woman is target

Warning! Due to rapid inflation, marked prices will likely double before you reach checkout.

'I don't remember your name but your salary is familiar.'

Department Store: Freebies $18.95 (includes shipping, handling & tax).

"You know very well what subscription forms."

Consumer Complaints.