Consumer Behavior Specialist Pillows

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

Pavlov's dog

Advertising man saying to woman - 'Be careful. It's a real jingle out there.'

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

"Zero to 60 in 4 seconds. Think of it! You'll be the fastest guy to the next red light!"

"Well SOME people might see it as buying a load of useless, overpriced rubbish but I see it as a brave attempt on my part to support a flagging retail sector."

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"In my experience, cars with hyphens in their names are the best."

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

"Now that we know what the consumers want, it's our job to make them think that we have it."

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

Man is attacked by barcodes.

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

"Wait, Daddy! I'm that window’s target audience!"

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."

'Don't say I didn't warn you. The rising tide of consumer indifference is finally catching up with us.'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"I need one of them and one of them..."

Before the Salivating Dogs

The competition's customer vs our customer.

'I am stunned by the sophistication of our consumer research.'

Artisanal Everything, Inc,