Consultant Chef T-Shirts

Kitchen Consultations

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'I sent out for everything.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Come dine with me!

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Jack of all trades

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."