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'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

'I'm afraid our initial fears were right Mr. Hart, all of our tests indicate that you do have 'builder's bum'.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

Suddenly, Becky noticed something which gave her pause.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Frosty the Repairman"

"And nobody noticed the crease in the blueprint?"

Stone henge swing.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

NASA realized too late that there was intelligent life on this newly discovered planet.

I need a 10 foot board. That's 70 feet in dog feet.

'Please Pardon the Inconvenience as we Remodel the ER.'

Builders build a property that has a crease in it like the design plan.

Builder follows an architect's blueprints exactly, including the smudges.

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

"Normally this is where I would say something funny but the cartoonist is quiet quitting, too."

"Well, they were the low bidders."

When beavers dream.

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

'Where would you like your Banksy, love?'

Bricklayer