Construction Chaos Explorer Pillows

'It all started when he tried to assemble a backyard gym without reading the instructions.'

"Look! No hands!"

The Best Laid Plans

How to Build a Bungalow

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'

Homes for sale - some assembly required.

'I'll give him twenty minutes, then jump in and show him how its done.'

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."

'I wish McWit would lead a life of quiet desperation.'

Chaos Hieronymus Bosch style

The Black Hole of Plans

'I believe honesty is the best policy.'

"I'm getting out of the dog walking business! Last night I chased a cat up a tree!"

"Please don't tell me they're making broth."

'Oh no, a few more change orders from Mrs. Fergenson, right?'

ABSOLUTELY NO SKATEBOARDING

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

"It's Jung out there, son"

Craft hell

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

'I see it as an adventure Joe...and the best adventures are the ones that challenge you...Ah...and this would explain your collection of hazmat suits.'

'Something moved!'

A man hunting in gale of wind

"Remodeling? No. Just looking for the remote."

'David, call you back. Something's come up.'

'Where's that scotch tape?! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a messy junk drawer.'

'I'll bet you didn't know the inside of our chimney has little ledges...'

'Is that lunch or one of my shirts you're burning?'

Change In Travel Plans

"So, THAT'S how our names got sewn into the lab coats."

"Bummer. I sure wish we had noticed that sign before."

"Please don't make me work from home. I have a stay-at-home husband and two pre-schoolers."

'Too much spice?'

Gun Crime.