Conservative Family Observer Gifts

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"It's his emotional support animal."

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

Origins Of Evolution

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

I think it's time he left home.'

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

Do you go for Hannity or O'Reilly? Tough call. O'Reilly's presence is so big, fearless. Whereas Hannity has a wicked fast tongue and such inner strength. As symbolized externally by his jawline. O'Reilly is so tall. Something strange is happening. Coulter's a bit masculine for my tastes. Ditto. HOJ.

Look,that is not your Daddy

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"Just wait until my autobiographical one-woman show."

Waiting Room

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

"And what can I do for you, Sir?"

'Will I be able to have a night light if we switch to solar power?'

"Now mommy, I know there has been some bad blood between us."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Think you could teach your kid to throw straight?"