Connoisseurs Of Condescension T-Shirts

'Don't forget! This next part has to be all your tippy-toes.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Henrik Ibsen,

Totalitarian Humour

Yakety-Yak

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

The Forever Stamp

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Sculptor's chippings

You guys were right! Screaming profanities is more satisfying than howling these days.

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'I don't like it... It's too quiet.'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"My bouche was not amused."

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

"The Doge ate my homework."

"This must be the Campaign Trail."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

Judgeasaurus

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

You heard of the 'drugs tsar' and the 'fat tsar'...well this is the new 'waiting room tsar!'

School of Comparative Anatomy