Conker Champion Pillows

'Cesar loves to conker.'

"How long have those two been inside?"

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

Conkers - "I've got the gaming app version."

William the Conkerer 1066

school kids playing conkers

"The won't let him play conkers at school in case he hurts himself. Why do they let him play rugby?"

Conkerers of Everest

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Networking

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Personal conker trainer.

Lawnmower

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

Contest to enter the University

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Living life dangerously 2010.

Spring cleaning.

"Relax and enjoy the game! Relax and enjoy the game!..."

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

Traffic Everywhere

"We have a problem. It's called the competition."

'Slow Internet connection! They thought of everything!'

If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they... invent a popcorn machine that pops all of the kernels!?

"Let's do something really different and daring tonight to stimulate our marriage... Tonight I'll wash and you dry!"

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

"I think I've taken my morning routine too far."

"Would you like it better if I wear earbuds and point?"