Congregational Commando Pillows

'We were forced to leave our last church when some visitors took our seats.'

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"I can give you a little bit of focus on 2:53 next Thursday."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

Church restrooms

Communication Breakdowns

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

'We are gathered here...'

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"It's a stealth suit. So I can stay off the boss's radar."

'There I was, all alone... salesmen to the left of me... salesmen to the right of me... salesmen behind me...'

Wendel maps his trip to the germaphobe society headquarters.

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

"Seats in all parts!"

'I actually find my Ghillie Suit a better camouflage option than my stripes...'

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

Aways read the small print.

Spring Cleaning

"I can't decide which one of you should get the promotion, so I'm setting up a boxing match between you two to decide."

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

Telephone explosion

"Is writing 'wait for laughter' on your sermon really necessary?"

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

Male Green Beret applying face camouflage - female Green Beret applying lipstick.

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

"I've been asked to talk to you boys about 'rapid building entry' techniques

Harry liked working with his hands – but they didn't always get along.