Conflict Cooker Gifts

Sandwiches. My doctor says I'll never lose weight unless I give up these grilled sandwiches. In for a Panini, in for a pound!

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

That's What Happens

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'Are we us or them?'

'I'll fix the problem... you fix the blame.'

"Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until Monday?"

'I take it this department has had conflicts.'

"What would happen if you put down your weapon and tried to work things out peacefully?"

'I think the problem is, Lydia, you're a man-hater and Robert, you're a woman-hater, and I can't stand either one of you.'

Aleppo & the World

"What a cute little spot for us to eventually get into a fight in!"

'We're facing a hostile takeover.'

'Busting balls since 1983.'

"Count them again. There can't be more trouble sports than there are countries."

Middle East Peace Process.

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

'When the going gets tough, the tough SUE.'

"How did his last remark make you feel?"

"True, you have irreconcilable differences, but they're mainly about flossing."

"Is this what happens when management fails to deal with a passive aggressive member of staff..?"

"We were about to get a divorce, but we decided instead to go with the U.N. Peacekeepers."

Pythagoras' Arbitration Service. He's very good. He always finds the shortest distance between two sides.

"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."

"So...were they open to negotiations?"

'Hey! - Do I have to separate you two?'

'You're spoiling for a fight, aren't you?'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

The Politically Correct Brain

"You may want to steer clear of Jensen until he gets accustomed to you. He can be a bit territorial."

Genocide in Gaza