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Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

'I need affordable daycare now!'

'Let me present today's speaker.'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

Is that one of those wafer thin computers?

Chaos Theory Conference.

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'What do you mean by, your people do not want to get in touch with my 'kind' of people?'

'Pick a business card.'

"Remember this? One sweetheart of a deal!"

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"....which brings me to number one: Thinking inside the box."

Music Freak.

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

"Dr Andrea Patterson; animal behaviour."

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

"Psychiatric convention"

'Honey. . . I'm ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.'