Conditional Phrase Enthusiast T-Shirts

Grammar. I really wasn't trying to be a wise guy. The teacher asked if anybody could give an example of a conditional phrase, and I said "If you pay me." (Published originally on Nov. 6, 2014.)

Team Leader

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

"I've been reading a book of famous quotations. It's amazing how many are by a famous Greek named Anonymous."

"We finally found a way to bottle enthusiasm."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

'The kids want a new motto: instead of 'slow but sure' they've come up with 'fast and funky'.'

'Quotes, woof, woof, woof, woof, closed quotes.'

Frog Prince thinks: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horsefly.'

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'Lance, what does 'NSFW' stand for?'

'You failed your Latin exam! But Sweety, it's important to learn Latin: All your friends' names have Latin roots...'

"Gosh, this reminds me of one of my favorite John Lennon lyrics: "Life is what happens to you while you're making other quarterly sales plans."

'Then again, who says we can't call it a mangelwurzel?'

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

'That's it agreed then - the company's new motto is going to be 'We didn't do anything illegal'.'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

"She introduces herself as Drosophila Melanogaster, but everyone knows she's just a common fruit fly."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

Could you be a little bit more specific than an 'arm and a leg'?

'Phys Ed -- but I minored in philosophy.'

"By now, you've probably noticed that around here, money talks and you-know-what walks!"

Yep, that's me in a pea pod! In a pea pod�?? I think "nutshell" has been vastly overused.

"I procure considerable gratification from belles-lettres."

Giant 'NO' with a small man holding a 'Yes',

The dog chased the cat. Who can tell me what the subject is? It's grammar, isn't it?!

'I was going to run for office, but by the time I threw my hat in the ring, all the really good catch phrases were taken...'

"Son, talk loudly and carry a big shtick.

Globe. Which line do you prefer? "What's past is prologue" or "today is the first day of the rest of your life"?

Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, you may be qualified to go to law school!

"Have you noticed, after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF?"

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

'I'm bouncing with enthusiasm.'