Conceited Comedian Mugs

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

Moses on the web

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

"What if my inner demons want to write about bunnies?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'Is this a trick question?'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"Define 'lawfully'."

''For what it's worth'? - Are you sure you don't mean 'for better or for worse'?'

'I do, but no promises.'

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

"Come on Father, confess. You haven't been keeping to your diet, have you?"

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

"What type of disposition do I think I have? One that happily accepts marriage proposals..."

"There's a man at the door with a wooden leg."

"And do you, Robert, mind if I smoke?"

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

Man anchors suspenders to ground as he prepares to jump with girlfriend at lover's leap.