Creative Comedian Mugs

Josh's Junk $10

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Football Chameleon

Sock Puppet in Literature

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

Murphy bed...Murphy.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

Monet At Open Mic Night

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.