Composer Chuckle T-Shirts

'I don't know Jake 'The Bartok Brothers' doesn't have the right ring to it.'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"The subwoofers really help."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Keyboard in Heaven

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"Would you like a 'scratching' or 'non-scratching' room?"

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

'You were afraid for the drill?'

St. Lukes Church: Pray and Display

"I keep getting into a flap."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

What your acoustic guitar says about you

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'Couldn't get insurance for my sled.'

'Was that you who screamed?'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'