Compliment Connoisseur T-Shirts

'I thanked my teacher for teaching me so well, and she fainted.'

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."

"Of course you don't look fat."

Why, Lucy! You look so fetching!

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

"I don't know if I've mentioned this before, Greg, but you are a very attractive man."

"Brilliant move! Fantastico!"

"Tia Carmen, can I join your Wise Latina League?"

Compliment-A-Mole

'I'm just here to pay you a compliment.'

'You're pretty good at coloring within the lines, Mom.'

Frank Hires a Relationship Coach.

When God compliments your tie, just go with it.

'You dance like my mother.'

"Thanks for saying nice figure. But try it without the finger quotes, ok?"

"Hey ladies...you're looking super nice... Is that a new outfit? Foxy!"

"Before I start the test, Ms. Masten....May I say you've never looked lovelier!"

"Honestly, 'Bill' you should be flattered that out of 400 trillion life forms, we want to examine your rectum."

Man and old lady talking in the park

One For Him.

The Miracle of Jesus Walking on Egg Shells

Your radio show this week was incredible. Buzz off. Who cares what you think? It was angry, vitriolic, sarcastic, mean-spirited, pessimistic. Do you mean that? You really were listening? I'm not giving a compliment. You're less horrifyingly objectionable than usual.

Yes, your eyes are like limpid pools, but there's such a thing as too much limpidity. Your eyes are so limpid, I can see your sinus cavities.

"Wow, you look sexy today."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Self-esteem room

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'