Complaint Specialist Pillows

"I am the manager, ma'am."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Complaints Desk

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'Of course I care, madam!'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

Ryanair refunds

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"I think I speak for all of us."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

'Your security system works too well!'

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

"Want to bitch for one more lap?"

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

Customer Service - 'No - I demand to speak to your real manager!'