Complaint Resolution Expert Pillows

'Two million passengers can't be lying through their teeth, Murgatroyd!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Israel/Palestine Conflict

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'Look, Bernie, all I'm saying is I think you're riding the new guy pretty hard.'

Mediation Process

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

"Beg for peace!"

"It's something new I've been trying. Social scientists call it 'Productive Disagreement.'"

'Thank goodness he's gone through sensitivity training.'

"Okay, you still have all the old problems, but we're adding new ones and you can't touch.

Neutral Man.

Conflict In Palestine

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

'Hey, get out of my space!'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

"Count them again. There can't be more trouble sports than there are countries."

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

'This should soothe any hurt feelings.'

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

Ebola Virus

"There's more than one way to get your message across, but violence isn't one..."

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

'And I bet the same resolution principles would work in your neighborhood conflicts.'