Complaint Maestro Pillows

To Whom It May Concern: Your scratching posts are far inferior to couches.

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Text Culture

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Target your message

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

'What does the internet have against my people?'

Hip-hop cops on stage.

The Four Tops in Concert

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

The Poet.

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

Recording Studio

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

These remarks are completely off the record

"When you quote a Presidential candidate, Gorman, you do not—I repeat—do not roll your eyes."

'Overwhelm the facts with interpretation and have it on my desk Thursday.'

"How do you respond to critics who claim you're just trying to scare people?"

TV Repair 101.

Annoucement